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Missing Left Sock Beast
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Coyote Musings
Coyote handsome
his coat the same brown
as the dust from which he rises


What is the sound of one hand slapping Schroedinger's cat?


The Quantum Duck goes "quark, quark."

September 2010
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Missing Left Sock Beast [userpic]
Holidailies, Day 7: Duck Duck and the Bear

Since yesterday was rather serious, today I am going to talk about Duck Duck and the Bear. Of course, before I do that, I need to explain to folks who don't already know who the players are.

Duck Duck and the Kitty Cat
That's the Duck Duck on the left up there, the one not laying with his legs all frogged out (that would be the Kitty Cat. She lays like that all the time).

The Duck Duck came into my family's life a number of years ago, when my parents caught him running loose on the street. They convinced him to get in the damn car (That would be a quote from my father) and took him up to the house. He was so thin that you could see his backbone, his ribcage, and his hipbones. When they tried to give him water, he threw it right back up. He was not, shall we say, a healthy dog. Mom and Dad were going to take him to the pound, but my sister (knowing what would happen to him there) cried and so they ended up taking him to the vet instead (I wasn't there at the time).

The vet said: "Do not get attached to this dog." Anyone who knows my family knows that it was already too late for that. And the vet was wrong, anyway, because we still have the Duck Duck. And no, that isn't actually his name. It's just what we call him (likewise, the other dog is not "The Kitty Cat"). This is a habit in my family; we get dogs, name them, and then never use their names again.

But I digress. Treatment for heartworms, gut worms, and a boatload of food later, the Duck Duck is a healthy, happy, ~100 lb Shepherd mix. Okay, happy may be stretching it, but he's definitely well-loved and much less neurotic than he was when Mom & Dad first adopted him. He's loving toward the members of our family, and anyone to whom he has been properly introduced, but not so trustworthy with other people and animals.

He is also about as bright as an unlit candle.

Mom and Dad walk the dogs daily. Their usual walking route runs about three miles around the neighborhood and down past the elementary school, either early in the morning or late at night. Somewhere down along the road near the elementary school is a house with one of those concrete bears in the yard. The four of them had been walking past this bear for months without either dog noticing the bear.

And then one day, the Duck Duck stopped and growled at it. Dad tried to convince him to keep moving until Mom said, "let him check it out." So Dad eased up on the leash.

The Duck Duck surged forward as he is wont to do when given extra lead, and then...


Now, I'm sure, when my mother told my father to let the Duck Duck check out the bear that she was imagining he would sniff at it, growl at it, possibly pee on it, and get over it.


He bit the concrete muzzle of the concrete bear. Full-force.

Dad hauled him back in and checked his teeth to see what he'd done to himself. The Duck Duck looked at my father as though to say, "What the Hell was that?" but was uninjured, largely because he has no brain to rattle. My mother was absolutely useless, because she was laughing hard enough that she had to use the person's mailbox to hold herself up. And the Kitty Cat? Well, I don't think anyone was paying much attention to her, but it's not hard for me to picture her at the end of her leash, looking back at the three of them, her tail curled up over her back and a look of "we're supposed to be walking" on her face.

I can only imagine what the people inside the house thought.

I would imagine that the Duck Duck got it into his lack of brain that the bear was somehow a threat to himself or to my parents, and that's why he lunged and bit. Dad says he still growls at the bear when they walk by it, though he hasn't attacked again.

Would you?

#date# - (Anonymous)

Then my work here is done.

Also: Otters!


Duck Duck sounds a little like my Moose, who is a shepherd mix with NONE of the shepherd intelligence. Upon meeting a statue of Lewis & Clark's dog in a park, he walked cautiously up and politely sniffed its butt. :D


No really. I laughed.

The entire park was laughing at Moose that day. It was hard to stay on my feet, I was laughing so hard.

That's awesome. I love white German Shepherds; unfortunately it's true that the intelligence often disappears along with the coat color. (At least with the backyard-bred dogs that I see, which have been confiscated and have wound up at the local animal shelter.)

My sister and I blame his stupidity on his starved state.

I kind of want a White Shepherd of my own, but the Duck Duck can be hard to manage and has pulled me off my feet without meaning to before, so I suspect that my owning one would be a Bad Idea.

Although I mock your goofy dog, I have a question.

... with one of those concrete bears in the yard.

With those what now? I don't believe I've ever seen concrete bear statues placed ornamentally in a front yard before.

Neither have I, to be perfectly honest with you - I haven't even seen this one. So I can't describe it any better than that there. I gather it's like a stone lion in front of a library.

You go right on and mock my goofy dog, for he is funny.

My cats are funny, too, but I think Duck Duck has Prince beat in the stupid department. :)

As my sister and I are fond of saying: We love him dearly, but he not vewy bwight.

We also point and laugh when our stupid Prince falls off the counch. Cats are simply not supposed to be that klutzy.


Only $186.58, and you too can have your very own concrete lawn bear! Just the thing to get rid of those pesky garden gnome infestations.

Yowza. How odd, yet cute.

Oh My! What a funny story. Duck Duck must be pretty entertaining to have around.